25 Days of Christmas

As many of you know, our family is VERY into the whole Advent Conspiracy movement in which we spend the month of December focusing on Spending Less, Giving More, Worshiping Fully, and Loving All.  A big part of that is reducing the money we spend at the holidays so that we can do more charitable giving.  Since Ben and I are still in the midst of our Debt Snowball,  we're not so much focusing on charitable giving in large amounts yet.  But we do want to set up some traditions and teach these values to O.

A while back, I saw this idea floating around pinterest and I LOVE it.  So I decided to begin instating in this new tradition this year...

Instead of an Advent Calendar with trinkets, toys, or candy inside, I decided to wrap up our Christmas books!  Then, instead of looking at all of our Christmas books all at one time, O will have the opportunity to open one each day leading up to Christmas.

In order to keep this activity cheap, I've actually been on the look out all year for used and otherwise cheap Christmas books at the Goodwill and at garage sales.  You'd be amazed how many there are, even in July!  Sure, the ones I have aren't necessarily my "all time favorites" right now, but I figure as the years go on, we can weed out, replace, and add to this collection until it becomes Olivia's favorites from her own childhood.  The idea is that you wrap each one, and then number them, opening the one that corresponds with the date each day.

I'll admit that we don't have 25 of them yet… I only own 15 Christmas books at present.  But that works out nicely, since we're not starting until today (12/3), and we are going out of town on 12/18… so we won't be able to continue from 12/18 until 12/25 anyway.

It sort of seems counter intuitive to "teach" Olivia to open one present per day when we're also trying to teach her that the holiday season isn't about gifts.  But here's the lessons that I think are important for her to learn:

1) Being grateful - While Santa isn't going to spray our house with a million gifts on 12/24 and Mom and Dad don't believe in a ton of gifts bought at retail value, O will receive many gifts during her lifetime from family and friends.  It's important to learn to accept gifts graciously and be be happy with each one you receive.

2) Patience - the idea of delayed gratification is very hard to teach any child, much less a toddler.  We may not be totally successful at doing this, the idea of seeing 15 wrapped presents and only getting to open one each day might be hard.  But if we can start instilling this now, maybe it will reduce or prevent the obnoxious habit that many of us (me included!) had as a child to open 15 presents in a row, as fast as possible, and then be bored or disappointed 15 minutes later when it's all over.

3) Reminiscing - this year, all the books will be new for O.  But next year and in the years to come, these will be "old friends" that she remembers from the past and enjoys again, as if they were new!  I have fond memories of the time of year in which my family got out the Christmas books, set them out in the living room to be read over and over for the month.  It was nice to see so many "old friends" on the bookshelf that I'd forgotten about in the 11 months between holidays.

4) Quality Time - each day when we open a book, we'll sit down and read it together, as well as the other books that we've already opened.  Olivia loves to sit on mama and dada's lap and look at pictures.  When we do this, we're not just teaching about receiving a present, we're teaching about spending quality time with family during the holidays-- it's an interaction, not just an item.

5) The Joy of Reading - simply put, any time I can teach my child to love a book instead of a plastic toy that makes noise, I'm thrilled.  I could blather on about that, but it would be a whole post of it's own.  There are all sorts of 'pre reading' skills that are important for O to learn at this age though-- holding a book right side up, turning from left to right, pointing at the pictures and commenting on each page, etc.

And for your viewing pleasure, I thought you'd appreciate the beginnings of our other Holiday pictures from this week…

but before you scroll down, in what ways are you and your family giving less presents and giving more presence this year???

Breastfeeding while Sick? 5 things...

In February I had the inevitable happen... I got sick.  Really sick.  I spent 24 hours pukin' my brains out followed by a week or so of what my family would call "lower GI symptoms."  Ya know what I mean?    Lower G I ???  Anyway, not only did I feel like I wanted to die, and thus didn't really want to put baby's needs first, but I had a sudden drop in my breast milk supply.  I was panicked (once I finally had the energy to be) that this might be a sudden end to my nursing relationship with O, months before I'd hoped.  But in the end, we pulled through.  Here we are, several weeks later, no worse for the wear and with some advice for those of you who might go through something similar...

First, don't stop nursing!  Very few illnesses in the first world require you to stop nursing.  If you get advice from your doc to stop nursing, double check with your lactation consultant and/or midwife.  If what you have is viral, your infant has probably been exposed to the virus through your breast milk before you even have symptoms.  Besides, as you are fighting your illness, your body is creating antibodies to combat the virus... and baby gets those through the breastmilk too!  So it's a good thing to keep giving it to them.  But on a more 'systems' side-- even if your body doesn't feel like it's creating a lot of breastmilk, if you stop stimulating your breasts, you will reduce the supply.  So please please keep nursing, even if it seems futile, if baby doesn't seem satisfied afterwards, etc.

Secondly, hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!  It's important for you to be drinking LOTS of water and/or gatorade (with electrolytes).  You lose more water than you think when you have... lower GI symptoms... AND you lose lots of water when you nurse.  Ergo, you need to be replacing a TON of water when you're sick AND nursing.

Third, hydrate your baby.  While we're on the topic of hydrating... if you feel like you can't hydrate your little one enough because of your temporarily low milk supply, it's not a bad idea to think about giving her some extra fluids too-- pick up a little pedialyte from the store (preferably the non-flavored kind... they don't need random flavorings...) and give baby a bottle of it per day.  When I was sick, little O didn't love the pedialyte at first.  But by the end of my week of illness, she sucked the pedialyte down by bottle.  And it made Ben and I feel really good when she had nice, full wet diapers.  (I know.  Sad when life progresses to the point that a full diaper is what makes you feel good.)

Fourth, consider what medications you take.  Most of the over the counter drugs we tend to take in the US while sick (e.g., tylenol, antacids, cough meds) are either 'safe' or have a 'safe formula' that you can theoretically take while nursing.  However... most of these meds simply mask or reduce symptoms, but they don't actually make you well any faster.  If what you've got is a virus, it's gonna have to run it's course.  So please look up meds online -- I'm not going to go through which ones are safe here and which aren't.  But maybe consider NOT taking something that's just supposed to make you feel better.  'Cause if you know modern science at all, you know that we can't really do randomized controlled trials on mothers and babies, so we don't REALLY know what all the effects are.  So maybe a warm washcloth to soothe your headache is better than tylenol.  Or some natural gingerale could ease your stomach pains, or a neti pot could clear your sinuses without the dayquil.  You made it through labor and delivery... you'll probably survive a couple days of feeling like crap too.

Fifth, stay calm.  Stress will only make the whole thing worse.  I know that's so hard to hear and believe when you're in the midst of it.  But the mind-body connection is something that none of us understand as well as we should.  So if you can breathe and believe that you, too, will survive this drama... it will probably come true. :-)

5 tips for transitioning to bottle feedings

Some of you mamas out there might be lucky enough to never have to use a bottle (or maybe you'd consider yourselves unlucky?  But I would qualify it as lucky).  If you've got the opportunity to stay home with baby long enough to do 100% breast feeding (EBF or exclusively breastfed) until you're ready to move toward water in a cup, then this post probably doesn't apply to you.  But for moms in the world who need their kid to take a bottle, read on!

You mind find yourself wanting/needing to bottle feed your infant because you have to/want to go back to work.  Or maybe you want a date night with the hubby.  Or maybe you want daddy to feed baby while you sleep a little longer.  Whatever the reason, there's often a lot of anxiety around the transition.  Someone could (and people do!) write whole books about this process.  And I'm not gonna bother going into that much detail.  But here's my 5 quick tips... from the mouth of a feeding-therapist-turned-mommy... about bottle feeding.  Take it for what it's worth.

  1) Don't start too soon/too late - If your goal is to breast feed full time as much as possible, then in the first 2-3 weeks of life you really want the breast to be the only sucking experience baby has.  I don't believe in "nipple confusion" (the term often used to scare moms/dads into thinking that once baby does bottle, they'll be terrible at breastfeeding) in a typical, healthy infant.  But you do want to establish a good milk supply and a good comfort base with breast feeding before you add in other methods.  So if possible, breast feed only for the first several weeks.  If you find that being difficult, PLEASE consult a lactation specialist.  They're awesome.  And they'll help you figure out why it's hard.

On the other hand, if you know that returning to work is looming at 12 weeks, please don't wait until 11.5 weeks to try the first bottle!  In fact, if you wait too long, baby may be so used to breast feeding that you have a really tough time getting them to figure out or be happy with bottle feeding.  And then you have a whole different set of fights on your hands.  I'd say that ideally, you're doing at least 3-4 bottles spread out per week by 8-10 weeks old.  That way you know that baby will be able to take a bottle when/if you need him to when you return to work a few weeks later.

2) Don't do it just a few times and then stop if you need to continue at a later date- Sometimes I hear stories that people tried a bottle at 4 weeks old, it went well, so they didn't try it again until 11.5 weeks old... and the return to work was a nightmare!  All of a sudden, baby wouldn't take the bottle and we couldn't figure out why!!!  Your 4 week old infant is in one developmental stage and your 11 week old infant is in a different developmental stage.  So while it might have been easy at 4 weeks, please don't stop.  You don't have to do it every day, but you should keep going often enough that baby is gaining a skill set (and comfort level) with the bottle.  Again, 3-4 bottles a week (approx 1 every other day) worked nicely for us.

3) Don't stop pumping (yet...) - This will make more sense to current moms.  But if you're reading this pre-parenthood and thinking "oh yes, if the baby sitter can give a bottle, then I'll be FREE!!!  YAY!!!," sadly, you're wrong.  For each time your baby bottle feeds, you'll want to pump the same volume within a 24 hour period.  For example, little Ms. O takes 12 oz while she's at daycare, so I have to pump 12 oz while I'm at work.  If I'm short at work, then I need to pump extra when I get home.  The thing is, if you don't pump, then you're telling your body that your little one didn't need that extra 2 oz that day.  So the next day, your body produces 2 ounces less.  Please don't think that having a huge freezer stash gets you off the hook for feeding for a few days... you'll regret the changes to your milk supply when you try to go back to the previous volume you were doing.

(**CAVEAT** - I typed that last paragraph assuming that your goal is to keep your milk supply up.  Of course, if you've decided to replace breast milk with formula for any reason, then that might not apply to you.)

4) Have daddy (or another familiar caregiver) give the bottle - I heard this advice a lot before we started bottles.  And let me say, as a feeding therapist, it was hard.  I get so much benefit out of watching a baby feed WHILE i'm holding the baby.  I can feel how it's going.  I can see the swallows.  I can feel the way it feels as they breathe.  But I do think that for the average mom, choosing NOT to be the bottle feeder (if possible) reduces the pressure on you a little.  It also makes it a different task than nursing for baby-- they don't smell you or feel you while they're trying to bottle feed, so they won't be hunting around for the breast.  They can focus more on the bottle.  And no, it won't be perfect on the first try, but try not to tell dad it's his fault.  He's doing great-- he's on his first time too!

5) Brand is probably irrelevant - "What brand do you recommend???" is a question I hear a lot at work.  And let me tell you, for 99% of normally developing children, the brand of bottle/nipple is completely irrelevant, especially for the first bottle.  Yes, your baby will become accustom to one certain type of bottle and might, therefore, fuss with other types.  But a typically developing baby should be able to feed from any brand that you put in their mouth, given time to adjust to it.  So please don't spend a million dollars on the expensive one that "prevents colic."  And please don't spend a ton of time bringing home 20 different brands.  Just buy one.  One that you like the colors or shape of.  One that's priced right.  One that's BPA free or glass or made from recycled materials-- whatever works for you is great.  Heck, get used bottles from a friend and just buy new nipples!

What about you other moms... what tips would you add to my list?

5 Things You Need to Know about Co-Sleeping

We're co-sleepers.

There.  I've said it.  And I'm saying it enough in public these days that I'm not feeling bad about it any more.  And I've communicated with enough other moms in my neighborhood that I've learned I'm BY FAR not the only one.  So there it is, we're doing it.

I feel strongly that just like teaching parents to safely travel in a car with their baby, it's our responsibility as a community to teach parents to sleep safely in a bed with baby.  As such, I wanted to let you know 5 things I think you should all know about co-sleeping.

1) Put your bed low to the ground - As baby gets old enough to roll, crawl, and move on her own, she WILL attempt to get out of bed.  Both while you're there and while you're not.  As such, the safest place for your bed is as close to the ground as possible.  We were already planning on sizing up to a queen soon (see #4 for why we haven't yet), so we just threw out our frame and box spring and put the mattress straight on the ground.  For those of you who have a bed you love, you might rather put that frame and box spring in storage, the basement, at grandmas for a while until baby gets a lot older.  I know it seems totally un-cool to have a mattress straight on the ground.  But I promise you, you'll get used to it.  I also promise you that you'll appreciate it the first time you hear "THUNK, WAAAAH!" while you're in the shower while you thought baby was asleep.

2) Use a barrier of some kind when you're not in the bed - I've recently learned that there are many options for this.  The cheapest option is to simply re-arrange your pillows in a square/circle around baby when you walk out of the room (e.g., when she's napping during the day, when she goes to sleep at 7pm but you're not going to bed until later).  Even amongst co-sleepers putting pillows near your child under a certain age will garner some raised eyebrows due to SIDS risk.  So if you do this, make sure they're nice, firm pillows that can't suffocate your little one.

Another option is foam bumpers.  Here's just one example of them, but there are lots of companies that make 'em.  They seem like a nice, firm, sturdy option.  And I like that you can put them under the fitted sheet, so that they're less of a suffocation risk.  Of course, that means you're leaving them there while YOU sleep in the bed too.  So make sure your bed is wide enough for all 3 of you AND the bumper before you commit to this option.

A third option is inflatable bumpers.  The benefit here is that you can pack 'em up and go to grandmas and your sleeping situation doesn't change much.  Ben seems to think that the inflatable option is less safe (I think it's the idea of sleeping next to a balloon).  But under the sheets, I don't see why this isn't just as safe as a foam bumper.






3) You have to be creative to stay warm - I used to be a curl-up-under-the-covers-bring-'em-all-the-way-to-my-neck kinda girl.  But oh, no more.  When you co-sleep, it's important to keep your adult blankets out of baby's way so that she doesn't get covered by/tangled in them and suffocate.  If baby's head is about at chest height, that means, her legs/toesies are about at my waist, which is really just about as high as our blankets go anymore.  During the summer, this wasn't a big deal, as we don't have air conditioning and the house is fairly warm.

But as the fall coolness comes on, Ben and I have to be a bit more creative about ways to keep warm.  Some moms I've talked two simply use two blankets, one for mom and one for dad, leaving a chasm in the middle.  Others use a blanket that is larger than their bed (e.g., king for a queen sized mattress) and leave a loose spot in the middle that gets pulled down for baby.  And some people just wear more layers themselves so that they don't rely on blankets as much.  Honestly, Ben and I are still figuring it out.  We leave a loose spot, leave the blankets down a little lower, and have used our space heater a little sooner than we usually do-- that way we can heat the bedroom a little warmer at night without heating the whole house.  I think I might make my first million dollars by creating a co-sleeping blanket-- connected at the bottom but divided at the top.  Why not, right?

Oh, and incidentally, invest in sleep sacks for your little one-- they're a great way to keep baby warm while she stays away from your adult blanket.  Our day care prefers them too, even though they're not co-sleeping. :-)

4) It's gonna get messy - If I haven't mentioned other places or you haven't read in other places yet... infancy is WET.  I expected O to be the wet one... wet diapers and wet spit ups.  And we do have some of that.  But there's so much other wetness I wasn't expecting.  Immediately post partum, my milk supply was out. of. control.  That was wet during feeds and between feeds.  There's recovery and wetness in other areas of your new mommy body too.  That's wet.  And even now, after those wetness things have settled down, Olivia has the STRANGEST head sweat!  She can leave a puddle in about 5 minutes while she's sleeping!  Oh, and now that we're working toward teething, the new wetness is drool.  Drool coming out of the mouth, dripping off the fingers... even on her toes.  Yes, she puts her toes in her mouth.  Bottom line - Messy.  Wet and messy.  Get used to it.

Thus, you should be prepared to do laundry more often.  Sometimes we can space out the laundry a bit by putting a receiving blanket UNDER baby O.  That way if all we have is a little head sweat, we only have to wash the receiving blanket, not all of the sheets.  But even the receiving blanket won't catch all of the wet every time.  So be prepared for more laundry.  Either that or adjusting your definition of "clean" when it comes to sheets.

It's this messiness that has kept us in the smaller bed thus far.  I know that new beds come with mattress pads to keep wetness off the mattress and thus in cleaner, longer lasting condition.  But Ben and I agree that the older O gets, the less messes we're gonna have.  Less diaper blow outs, less drool, etc.  Thus, we're trying to stretch our current old mattress for as many weeks/months as we can tolerate before we get a new one.  At some point, O's size and space she takes up in the bed will outweigh the mess, and we'll size up to a queen.  But for now, we cuddle nicely in our full sized bed.

5) Some nights will go better than others. - If you're a mom reading this and have tried co-sleeping with result of a horrible, sleepless, cold, wet night, you might be thinking "UGH!  Why does it go well for them and not me??!?!?!"  Please don't.  Yes, most nights, we sleep comfortably, sleep deeply, and sleep warmly.  But this process, just like all other parts of parenthood, has it's ups and downs.  Some nights, O tosses and turns way more than usual, smacking us in the face with each wiggle.  Some nights, she cries more or is just more awake and wants to play.  Some nights, I just can't get warm enough and I whimper all night while Ben tries to toss more blankets on me.  But I promise you, once we got used to the systems and routines, these things are the exception, not the rule.  Each family needs to figure out what works best for them.  And you'll figure it out for your family too!

Who else out there has advice for snuggling with little ones?

5 things I didn't expect about the "4th Trimester"

So there's two varying opinions about "the fourth trimester," otherwise known as the first 3 months of your baby's life.  It's called the 4th trimester because, in a lot of ways, your baby is still just sorta continuing exactly what he/she was doing in the womb - getting rest, getting nutrition, and growing.  Thank the Lord, however, that He allows us to actually deliver after 9 months instead of 12.  I don't think I could have handled 3 more months of Baby O inside me, nor could my pelvis have survived her birth at her current size!

Anyway, the two opinions are:
a) Stay home.  Rest.  Get to know your baby and yourselves as parents.  Take it easy.  Don't have a lot of visitors.
b) Go out.  Strap the baby on in a carrier and take her with you.  Pretend nothing's changed.  She doesn't have a schedule anyway and she'll sleep wherever you are.

Overall, while Ben and I did some of column A, we mostly did column B.  We went to church when baby O was only 5 days old.  We have gone out to restaurants, taken the train/bus, had friends over weekly for community group, and even gone on a weekend trip to Indiana in a 4 seater plane!  While I thought I was prepared for the "4th trimester," there are a few things I didn't expect...

1) How quickly my husband became a father.  Sure, I knew Ben would be a great dad.  I knew he'd love Baby O, think she was adorable, and even learn to change diapers.  I just didn't expect him to become a father instantly.  I won't even say "over night," cause it didn't take a full 24 hours.  On day 1 of her life, he was putting her needs first, changing diapers, and swaddling her like a champ... seriously, as if he'd been doing it his whole life!  I continue to be amazed by the ease with which he's taken on this new role and how little teaching he requires.  I'm truly blessed.

2) Wetness.  Everywhere.  Sure... babies are wet.  They have wet diapers, they spit up... but during the 4th trimester, it was not baby O who was such a mess.  She was little and predictable.  My wetness was outstanding.  This may be too much information for some of you who know me personally, but I sweat differently than I used to.  I leaked before, during and after breast feeding sessions.  My pelvic floor muscles weren't yet back to normal and I could have unpredictable accidents anywhere and everywhere... without notice.  I thought I'd be chasing after O and her messes, but I could barely keep up with my own!  So mothers-to-be, consider yourselves warned!

3) How well we would all sleep.  It's controversial, but Ben and I easily fell into the idea of co-sleeping.  He was convinced during pregnancy that O would never ever ever sleep in our bed.  So I quietly got a bassinet and agreed to talk about it later.  But on night 1 home from the hospital, in our groggy fatigue, co-sleeping is what made sense.  So we did it.  And it continued... sure, some nights she starts the night in the bassinet so that we have a bit of time and space to ourselves, but 100% of the time, she ends up in our bed.  And I have to say, I love it.  We all sleep REALLY well.  Ben sleeps, I sleep, O sleeps.  I can't believe how many times people make jokes about whether or not we're sleeping.  And the truth is, I can practically sleep through middle of the night feeds and we all sleep great, thank-you-very-much!

4) Limited Conversation. No one ever asks me about anything but parenthood.  Okay, I'll take it back, sometimes they ask about parenthood and working.  But it's as if I didn't exist more than 3 months ago, so any topic of conversation from before the last three months (aka, pre O) has disappeared from anyone's minds when I walk in a room.  And in some ways, I totally understand it.  And in others, I miss what life was about pre-baby.

5) How hard leaving O at daycare would be.  I've always thought that I'd go back to work after having kids.  It worked for my mom, it worked for my sister, it would work for me.  My career is important to me and I love my job.  Why wouldn't I go back?  But before the first week, I had the horrifying experience of my "Daycare Visit Day."  This is the day that I brought in O's sheets and clothes, diapers, health care documents, etc and got to meet the teachers, etc.  Almost instantly when the Daycare Director left us in the room with the teachers and the babies, I started to cry.  It was so weird, because cognitively, I got that it was a good thing.  But wow, my hormones were just not having it!  I only had 3 meltdowns in the first hour and a half visit (half of which I spent outside while O was inside with the teachers).  I say "only" 'cause I think that's actually pretty good! I figured it's better to embrace the emotions, tell myself that they're okay, own them, and move on.


Hey Moms, what were your surprises about those first 3 months of life?